Highest-Grossing Lawyer - Jokenews article

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TEXT OF HIGHEST GROSSING LAWYER ARTICLE

Location - They say in the legal profession that the quickest way to end a career is to tell a client how the time he's been billed for was really spent. On that basis, First Name Last Name has some explaining to do. Over the last 12 months this highly industrious lawyer has averaged 70 hours of billable time per week.

That's not 70 hours in the office, note, but 70 hours billed. Billable hours do not, or should not, include time spent reading the paper, arranging a dinner party, or discussing Desperate Housewives. According to a Law Society spokesperson, the rule of thumb is "to bill 40 hours you have to spend at least 60 in the office."

Apply that ratio to Last Name's figures and you can see why he has scooped Law Business magazine's 'Fee-Earner of the Year' award for the third year running. Presenting the award, editor Angus Bidwell described Last Name as "a walking, talking, money meter - an example to us all."

Not that Last Name himself sees it in quite such mercenary terms. "I joined this profession to campaign for the oppressed, to right wrongs, and to help society," he said to loud applause (and a few laughs) at last night's ceremony.

Asked whether the long hours ever got him down, Last Name replied "Of course they do. I get to the end of the week and think 'Thank God it's Friday. Only two more working days til Monday.'

Whether serious or in jest, Last Name's remark hints at a running sore within the profession. When solicitors like him bring in so much of a firm's fee income, less productive partners at the top of the firm become expendable. "They are known as 'deadwood'," says Bidwell. "Every firm has them."

And indeed, there were one or two present at last night's ceremony. Commenting on Last Name's output, one veteran at a top 20 firm said, "It's absurd. I can't stay awake for 70 hours a week, let alone work them."

Surprisingly, Last Name has sympathy for the old-timers. "Of course it's hard. Frankly, I wish there were more than 24 hours in a day." Curious, because according to his time sheet, there are.