Graduate Career - Jokenews article

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This article is ideal for members of your family or friends who are on the point of leaving school or college. It works especially well if their career direction is . . . how can one put it? . . . not exactly clear.

The article considers the various opportunities available in industry, finance and business, but reports that the more likely direction is Hollywood.

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TEXT OF GRADUATE CAREER ARTICLE

DOWNING STREET - The Chancellor announced yesterday that he expects a leap in Britain's GDP next quarter, now that FirstName LastName has completed his education and will shortly be joining the working population.

Economists said the statement was premature since it is not yet known in which direction LastName intends to launch his career. Only last week he told reporters, "I'm considering my options. I'll probably just take things as they come, see where it leads, you know."

Indeed, for a matter of national importance, intelligence about LastName's plans is sketchy. There appears to be little consensus among his tutors at Location College about what he should do. To the suggestion that he might be attracted to the fast-growing biotech industry, his science teacher was cautious: "It is true that FirstName enjoys the sciences, but his main interest lies more in anatomy than biology - if you know what I mean."

Nor, apparently, should the City count on his interest. "He certainly has a nose for a deal," said tutor Sarah Payne, "but I have a feeling he'll find the regulatory environment in the Caymans more amenable than London."

Perhaps the most concrete guide to LastName's future comes from his parents. His father has stated that he would like FirstName to qualify as a lawyer, while his mother has expressed a desire to see him work in medicine. Both choices can therefore be ruled out.

An interview with Newsweek suggests that LastName's head may, like so many of his generation, have been turned by the siren call of celebrity. "The entertainment industry like, really appeals to me," he told reporter Brad Pullman. "The fame, the money, the short hours . . yeah, if Hollywood wants to put me in a movie, I wouldn't say no."

Hollywood will have to wait for now. Following Alastair Darling's announcement, LastName told reporters that he intends to take a few months off "not doing much" then he plans to "think really deeply" about what to do with the rest of his life. "But," LastName added, scratching his bottom, "not too deeply."