England Rugby Hopeful - Jokenews article

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An excellent choice for rugby fans, this article describes how England coach Brian Ashton has brought in a relative unknown to beef up his squad, and how impressed the rest of the team have been by the new player in trials.

This article would make a great present to anyone who plays rugby or who is just an armchair fan. You can easily adapt it for the Scottish, Welsh or Irish teams by using the 'Customise' function and typing in names from those teams.

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TEXT OF ENGLAND RUGBY HOPEFUL ARTICLE

TWICKENHAM - After turning in intermittently brilliant and feeble performances in the World Cup this year, England's rugby team has been a source of frustration to fans of the game. Today, the winds of change blew through RFU headquarters when coach Brian Ashton announced the addition of First Name Last Name to the squad for next season's Six Nations tournament.

Last Name's appointment wasn't exactly shock news - two weeks ago Ashton hailed him as "the find of the season" - but few had expected him to make the squad so soon. This is a player, remember, who six months ago had not started a Premiership match, let alone an international. Still, desperate times call for desperate measures.

Explaining the call-up, Ashton said "He may not be the biggest player on the pitch but he has massive upper-body strength, and his speed gives us extra options out wide." Squad teammates testify to this combination of brawn and pace. Josh Lewsey, no slouch himself, emerged from yesterday's training session looking shaken. "Over 50 yards First Name showed me and Taity [Matthew Tait] a clean pair of heels."

It is difficult to overstate the sense of excitement that Last Name's arrival has generated at Twickenham. Wise heads talk openly of him as "the new Lomu", after the 19 stone All Black steamroller. Others see similarities to David Campese, the mercurial Australian winger. Two individuals, note, who wrecked English ambitions in the past.

In hype situations like this, the wunderkid is expected to look modestly at his boots and mutter that the comparisons flatter him. Such posturing is alien to Last Name. "I'll be disappointed if I don't score a hatrick on my debut. My sidestep has got to the point where the cameras will struggle to follow me," he said with a self-assurance - some would say arrogance - that even Campo would have blushed at.

Perhaps this is what England needs: an infusion of 100% pure octane, self-belief. Fans must hope so. Because the God of Hubris will have heard Last Name's confident talk and might just be tempted to tie his shoelaces together on match day.